1.2 Nature as a healer

” In every walk with Nature    

one receives far more than he seeks”

John Muir

The first time I remember becoming acquainted with my inner guidance, was 12 years ago, at the age of 25. I was sitting in my parents living room in a rather worn-out black leather armchair, thinking that my world had ended.

I had just handed in my bachelor paper and only needed to finish my final exams before finishing an education, that I had spent 4 years on.

    Instead of graduating with my class, I had dropped out. And I was unable to give any one an explanation as to why. For four years it had just been one big struggle. On the fourth year I moved in with my parents, and banish everything from my life, in order to try and graduate. And I had never been more unhappy in my entire life, than in this period of time.

After handing in my bachelor paper, I could just feel in my entire body, that I was done, empty, there was nothing more to give.  So instead of celebrating my exams, I was sitting in my darkest hour or so it felt like, being really hard on myself asking “Why was I such a failure? Was I just stupid? Why couldn’t I get it to work for me, when everybody else apparently could make it work for them?”

And as I was sitting there feeling like the world’s biggest failure, I, for the first time, heard my inner guidance. For a spilt second, I felt so much love and on my inner screen I suddenly saw a big sign showing only the word NATURE and at the same time a voice with so much love whispered in my ear “Go into nature and you shall find”.

    So, I did. I went into nature, and I walked and I walked and I walked, one day after another, thinking what is the purpose of this? Like how is this going to help me go in life from here? What am I supposed to do in life? What am I going to make a livelihood from? And as I walked around in Nature letting my thoughts and ego chatter to one another, I one day realized that I was feeling better. I was becoming happier, more in peace with myself and my decision about dropping out.

I had finally started to accept that “THIS” had been my life, and I hadn’t been happy in it. So why shouldn’t I strive for happiness instead of remaining in something that made me unhappy, just because one is supposed to finish what one has started.

      I would have loved to say, that this was the happy ending for me. My rekindling with nature. But it was not. It was the beginning of a healing journey[1], but also a survival journey[2]. Since I had started to go into nature, I had become more interested, in the surroundings around me. I often took books with me, so that I could learn about the different plants, when walking around in the forest. I started to gain some knowledge about the different plants, and was quite baffled when realizing that a lot of the plants, that we called weeds and invasive plants actually had some really healthy qualities for humans. But instead as a society, we would destroy them or poison them, because they were not welcome.

My interest in plants grew, and I started to look for an education, where I could learn more about it. Unfortunately, my financial situation was in ruins, I had so much debt, so I could not start an education called “Nature medicine”, because I would have to pay for it myself. I didn’t have the confident to go find a job, because my self-esteem and self-worth was none existing. Like who could use such a drop out like me. My state of mind at that time was really really bad. And I didn’t have enough SU[3], to start a new education. But I had to figure something out to survive. And I didn’t want to give up trying to find a livelihood that included working with nature.

So, I started the education “Organic farming”. It was both school and paid internships. It would not make me rich but it would make me survive and get me out of my parent´s house and my hometown. Here I met some really amazing people, and they really made me heal as a person, because a lot of us had some baggage with us, but it didn’t matter there. We were all away from home and in the same situation. It was like being on our own little island, and the rest of the world was only something we had to relate to, if we went home for the weekend. I quickly discovered that this wasn’t for me though. Since childhood, I have loved the presence of animals, and the way they were being handled as a thing, where we could profit from their death, organic or not, just completely put me off, this trade. Furthermore, I was just not into the whole driving big machines when it came to farming plants and foods. After six months I once again went back home to my parent’s house, and once again feeling like the biggest failure. So, I took a short education as a social and health care worker, in order to pay my bills, but I could just feel that I was on the wrong track. There was no nature involved. After ending this education, I took a lot of different jobs, and I ended up, on a forest cemetery as a helper for a gardener. I loved that job very much but I missed the animals. They wanted to give me the education as a gardener, but I became pregnant with my first child and after my maternity leave, I never went back.

When my children entered my world, it gave life a whole new dimension. Suddenly to be responsible for these small souls and having to provide for them, made me forget everything about nature. Because unfortunately my motherhood became a battle of surviving on a day-to-day basis, due to outer circumstances, that I had no control over. It was a really stressful period and being in this chaotic life, I suddenly remembered. “Go into nature and you shall find”. As soon as my second child could walk, off we went. To begin with it wasn’t a good experience. When you become a mother, your feelings intensifies and with a stressed nervous system I tried to work out all the scenarios of what could happen to my children if for example we went for a walk into the forest.  They could be eaten by wolves, they could be bitten by a snake, they could fall and hit their head, fall into the water and my mind would keep going with things that could happen.

No need to say, that the energy on these trips wasn’t the best, and I was quite upset about that, because I use to enjoy being in nature myself. And all I was doing was alienating my children from it. So, I got my nervous system balanced and there was no more you can’t do this or you can’t do that. And now they just run free and wild, having fun finding natures treasures and enjoying the wild life.

    At the moment I have just welcomed my third child into this world, which means that I am more on a survival journey, than on a healing journey. My family is my number one priority and it is taking all of my energy at moment to provide for them.

I still haven’t found a livelihood that contains working with nature and animals, that can provide for me and my family, but both my healing journey with nature and my survival journey has made me stronger and more conscious about what I want to spend my time and my life on.

So therefor I have invested in me and started on two alternative educations. One as an animal communicator and the other one a 12 year old dream, the education  “Nature medicine”. I could only afford two semesters, but I am hoping that this in some way will make me able to unit my survival- and healing journey, into one and close the big gap between my everyday life and Nature.

I might not have found my way yet, or reached my full potential just yet, but I know that one day I will get there, if I don’t forget my walks in nature.

Because Mother Nature is for me a great healer.

[1] Is in this context where your mind is relaxed and one is able to feel once body, mind and soul and make decisions from the heart = taking conscious choices for one self and ones life.

[2] Is a state of mind where you just go through life on autopilot, based on your habits bad or good. You don’t have the time to think about your actions because you just have to make everything work. 

[3] SU – In Denmark you get paid small amount of money, so that you can survive while taking an education. At that time, the amount was 5000 d.kr. amount and you could get it for 5 years.